Lost but composed

I'm posting again after being a little vacant. My photography this year has been...meh. Unidentifiable, unimaginative. I felt for a while like I had lost the heart in it, trying hard but still achieving nothing. I go back and forth with this year after year, feeling that my work is unworthy, trying not to care what other people think about it. I feel like I have lost my style, something that seems to change each year with my new experiments. Well I am fed up with it. I want a style that is my own, but with so many budding hopefuls in the world it feels like nothing is original anymore and I may never achieve this. But having the hope has got to count for something, right? I decided it's time to change things up a bit. I'm not saying that some new software is going to fix the lacklustre in my images, but I now have Lightroom and the VSCO Film presets and I have to say I am just getting to grips with them. I'm willing to try whatever pushes me forward because anything is better than rolling backwards. Here are some pretty Spring images taken with my Lensbaby Composer in my garden and edited with VSCO. I really feel like it has given me some editing excitement because sometimes photoshop is so big and complex that I feel lost in it. Lately I had been using editing to make my images mean something or look like something remotely interesting but this is wrong. Using more basic editing means that my actual images need to make more of an impact. I would like to blog more so that I can look back at my learning curves.

Photography through the years

It all started in 2005. I saved 6 images from that year, but my very first photo was the stripey scarf one. Getting positive feedback on Deviantart on that shot inspired me to continue. Older photos are quite embarrassing to look back on, but hey, it's all about the journey right? Looking at it now, I hadn't realised what a big part photography has played in my life. For every event and holiday you would see me, inseparable from my camera. It's always been there whether I neglected it or not. I really wanted to post this for myself to look back on one day far from now

2005:

2006 

The self portraits/self expression began. I wasn't in school and worked 1-2 days per week so had alot of spare time in an empty house:

 

I remember a trip to cornwall sparking some nature photography too:

2007 

The journey continues with a more storybook, textured theme:

 

2008 

Seemed to be a big year for failed experiments and probably my worst in terms of personal development. By now I had started fulltime work and temporarily lost the love for it all. I tried things, but all my attempts felt half hearted:

 

Though this year I did do my first (and last) paid portrait commission for three sisters. I was so nervous at the time and I got lost on the way to the consultation (not difficult for me!), but once we were out in the field on the shoot I was having a blast. The girls were a bit hesitant to go traipsing through big old rapeseed flowers in the cool April wind, but I was all for it! It rained later that day so we were very lucky that it stayed dry for us.

2009

My best and most productive year by far. I did so many shoots of all different styles and taught myself alot.

I experimented with photomanipulation:

(made from 6 images)

This year I also learnt HDR and took my favourite landscape shots to date:

 And my favourite Macro/splash shot too..

 and yummy muffin polaroid..

2010

This year I dropped off the radar a bit. July to October was spent planning and having my wedding :) I lost 16 pounds from the stress (partially from family drama). I ate, drank and breathed the wedding. I wanted to make everything fit in with a 4 colour theme, and so it did! We had 4 bridesmaids each in a different colour, but the same style dress. And who better to shoot my wedding than Rosie Hardy :) I will make my next post about that. So, 2010 didn't give me much opportunity to shoot. I definately wish I had taken my dslr to the Maldives though.

 

So there we have it, 5 years of my life in one blog post :) A journey through time that I will never forget, and I want the next 5 years to be just as adventurous! You can see photographs, pictures, colours, experessions but what I see are the emotions attached to these photos. The things I experienced when I took them and how much I have changed since. It's not just a hobby, it's something I have invested alot of time, and myself, into. I am thankful that I found it and to all those who have inspired me to progress. I check back into old communities I was a part of now and then, there is definately nostalgia when I visit them. It's funny how so much history can be stored on a website. I look at people I used to follow and some of them arn't there anymore, but others have become amazingly talented.

I'm toying with posting a summary-of-the-year blog at the end of every year (and since it's December already there's one due very soon for 2011). Some years may be lacking, others might be in abundance, who knows! 

Until next time, the story ends here ♥

The beginning of imagination

I made this blog to document my journey with photography. Photography is something I started when I was 16. Initially I used drawing and poetry as an outlet for my emotions, music being a heavy influence. I became part of the community on Deviantart.com, spending alot of time searching artwork, forums and asking for critique. I remember a few of the photographers I followed on there who inspired me to pick up a camera. Lara Jade was a particular favourite and her work is amazing even to this day. I used to sit in awe at her confidence levels as she progressed with models and stylists while I had too many insecurities to do anything public with my art. It wasn't just photography though. I remember a key person who inspired me to write and a key person who inspired me to draw and draw comics inparticularly. In some ways I feel like my imagination has deteriorated over the last few years, I used to dream up concepts that meant something but now I'm usually stumped for ideas or don't have time to follow through with them. I let my lack of confidence hold me back from a career that I would have thoroughly enjoyed and I know this is something many creatives warn against. It still does hold me back, but I'm slowly learning to push through my own boundaries. When I imagine being a photographer I have a fear of becoming one of the hopeless ones, who don't have vision or who fail to deliver. I can't remember the last time I wrote a proper blog! I'm excited to have somewhere to vent again and post about my journey, hopefully it will inspire me to carry on pushing through.

This is how I started out, most of my characters were based on people I knew. I think I called them Eggles? Please note though, I haven't touched a pencil or paint in years. (sorry about the sizing, I am obviously new to this)

And that's it! An insight into my brain and how my imagination began to grow :)